<dreaming aloud>
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this year is done.
CLICK HERE for a new year

4.11.05
jam-ming
cucayucay
7:36 午後

minsan sa may kalayaan tayo'y nagkatagpuanmay mga sariling gimik at kaya-kanyang hangad sa buhay
sa ilalim ng iisang bubongmga sekretong ibinubulongkahit na anong mangyarikahit na saan ka man patungo
ngunit ngayon kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon
sana'y huwag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan
at kung sakaling gipitin ay
laging iisipin na minsan tayo ay nagingtunay na magkaibigan
minsan ay parang wala nang bukas sa buhay natin inuman sa magdamag na para bang tayo'y mauubusan
sa ilalim ng bilog na buwanmga tiyan nati'y walang lamanngunit kahit na walang pera ang bawat gabi'y anong saya
ngunit ngayon kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon
sana'y huwag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan
at kung sakaling gipitin ay
laging iisipin na minsan tayo ay nagingtunay na magkaibigan
minsan ay hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari kahit na anong gawin lahat ng bagay ay merong hangganan
dahil ngayon tayo ay nilimot ng kahapon
di na mapipilitang buhayin ang ating pinagsamahan
ngunit kung sakaling mapadaan baka ikaw ay aking tawagan
dahil [minsan :( ] tayo ay naging

tunay na magkaibigan


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drugged
cucayucay
7:27 午後
was it the acid dear that drew you near melting with your sweat freezing still your heart to make you feel entranced was it the magic of mountain mushrooms that enchanted you with the hallucination of me,of love for i from thee could it have been these potions had it been merely chemical reactions o how it pains me to see what should have been true impaired us both how it pains me to see it was reality that killed us when it shouldve kept us afloat drugged and magical sober yet dull now i want to live in the magic of it all to go back and waste away than to consider reality and be held back from you


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31.10.05
pride in prejudice
cucayucay
6:42 午後
when i think of he whos hurt me most i mourn for a lover or a love not lost at him i cannot look with angry eyes but better i instead inside die. there is no love but dignity crushed for i denied this honest match

alas i am dying in this lonesomeness


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name: cucay
age: 19
currently: escaping / travelling
current music: the cucay song - haru
current book: everything is illuminated - jonathan safran foer
current movie: ao no hono
current...um...current: low tide yata ngayon (duybads.)

jikjik jiggy skins photos new blog ... ... ... ...

blessing
cuxharu


Are kara bokutachi wa Nanika wo shinjite koreta ka naa Yozora no mukou ni wa Ashita ga mou matte iru**

ek
W E L C O M E

If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hope-r, a praye-r, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in! -shel silverstein

think

When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn't make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better.'It's all right' we whisper, 'I'm here, I love you.' and we lie: 'I'll never leave you.' For just a moment or two the darkness doesn't seem so bad." - neil gaiman

maybe everyone out there is a liar. and maybe the whole world is stupid, and ignorant. but I'd rather be in it. -susanna kaysen

Two paths diverged into the wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. - robert frost

we don't read and write poetry because it's cute. we read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. and the human race is filled with passion. and medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. but poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. to quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless--of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." ...that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. what will your verse be? - professor keating for dps

do not believe anything you hear. no matter where you have read it or no matter who have said. even if i had said it. as long as it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. - buddha



music 1

...jai guru deva om, nothing's gonna change my world nothing's gonna change my world nothing's gonna change my world nothing's gonna change my world...- the beatles for across the universe

...color the coast with your smile its the most genuine thing that ive ever seen i was so lost, but now i believe...-dashboard confessional for carry this picture

...i said ive gotta be honest, ive been waiting for you all my life. for so long i thought i was asylum bound but just seeing you makes me think twice. being with you here makes me sane i fear ill go crazy if you leave my side. youve got wits youve got looks youve got passion are you brave enough to leave with me tonight? ill be true ill be useful ill be cavlier ill be yours my dear. and ill belong to you if youll just let me through. this is easy as lovers go, so dont complicate it by hesitating, this is wonderful as loving goes this is tailor made. whats the sense in waiting? -dashboard confessional for as lovers go

...that one last shot's a permanent vacation and how high can you fly with broken wings? life's a journey, not a destination and I just can't tell what tomorrow brings It's amazing, with the blink of an eye you finally see the light It's amazing, when the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright It's amazing, and I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight... -aerosmith for amazing

See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails she makes me wait And I wait without you With or without you With or without you Through the storm we reach the shore You give it all but I want more And I'm waiting for you With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away My hands are tied My body bruised, she's got me with Nothing to win and Nothing left to lose And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you** -U2 for with or without you

I took my love, I took it down I climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills til the landslide brought it down Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Well I’ve been afraid of changing cause i’ve Built my life around you But time makes you bolder Even children get older And I’m getting older, too Well I’ve been afraid of changing cause i’ve Built my life around you Time makes you bolder Even children get older And I’m getting older, too I get older, too I took my love and took it down I climbed a mountain, I turned around And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills The landslide brought it down The landslide brought it down-fleetwood mac for landslide

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C U C A Y

~.hello i am francesca my name is beautiful but never used i am anything your mind permits me to be if not then youve yet to see i am fantastic i am real and most of the time i am screaming inside this shell i am francesca rosella paño pagdilao love me or leave me alone.~

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music 2

bam bam
barbie's cradle

I wanted the fire of the city And the safety of home I decided that i would still love me When my youth is gone I've many things in my mind Oh so many kinds But may your voice be the one That i easily recognize What i wanted was too big a dream But i got you and i have everything Whatever you say i say go And we run all the way If you wanna stop let me know I will stay where you will stay My heart is burning inside From the things that you say It's a pity what happens to night At the coming of the day What i wanted was too big a dream But i got you and i have everything**

...and I wonder when I sing along with you if everything could ever feel this real forever if anything could ever be this good again... - foo fighters for everlong

hands down
dashboard confessional(jik.i agree)

breathe in for luck,breathe in so deep, this air is blessed, you share with me. This night is wild, so calm and dull, these hearts they race, from self control. Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine, we're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all. My hopes are so high, that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer. The words are hushed lets not get busted; just lay entwined here, undiscovered. Safe in here from all the stupid questions. "hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb. Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear... so we can get some. Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember, I'll always remember the sound of the stereo, the dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late and this walk that we shared together. The streets were wet and the gate was locked so I jumped it, and I let you in. And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist and you kissed me like you meant it. And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it, that you meant it, and I knew, that you meant it, that you meant it.**

there's no combination of words i could put on the back of a postcard no song I could sing but I can try for your heart our dreams, and they are made out of real things like a shoebox of photographs with sepiatone loving. Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart like why are we here? and where do we go? and how come it's so hard? it's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving i'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together
...And there is no song I could sing And there is no combination of words I could say But I will still tell you one thing, We're Better together. - jack johnson for better together

so will it ever be? ive tried so hard to find sweet serenity are you still afraid just close your eyes and dream the feeling fade away time wont flow everyone knows when the pain fades away dreams wont die, tears in our eyes youve got to hold your head up high. hold your head up high its taken some time and ive given off the will to change your state of mind im trying to understand its not so hard to see that i am just a man ...so will it ever be? ive tried so hard to find sweet serenity im trying to understand its not so hard to see that i am just a man-the speaks for high